I know this is another pretty hefty topic, but with the day I had at work today. It is much needed, but don't worry tomorrow's Blogmas topic will be much lighter! As much as I was dreading and putting off making this post today I knew it was meant to be written. So, here wo go.
The holidays are meant to bring everyone together, to allow people to be a little kinder, to allow people to believe in Christmas miracles or the joy that the holidays bring no matter if you celebrate Christmas or not. I am so grateful for everything and everyone that is in my life.
This holiday however, has really been testing my patience, I know that at work I am in a higher position and what I say or how I react has a heavier toll or repercussion impacting the work culture or environment. Overall, I am a very kind and fair person, the only time I ever got in trouble with HR was because someone complained I was too neutral at work that I didn't have any friends or enemies and that I couldn't be trusted because of that. I took that as the biggest compliment and the girl who complained didn't last much longer after that with the company. I went on to be promoted into my current position.
That being said, I am much happier in my new role but a lot less social and I notice when I get home to my husband I am grumpy, socially drained and on a buzz. I cannot quite explain but over the several years I've been working I have learned to act at work, I am not naturally a social or extroverted person. However, in the industry I am in it is kind of a requirement. The toll got heavier the higher I grew in the company. I am at a point where every confrontation I have to deal with brings me so much stress and I think about it over and over again questioning my decision and if I made the right one. Playing out different scenarios in my head seeing if I could have done better. I put myself on a very high standard and expect the best from myself, a perfectionist at heart. However, I have learned that I cannot do everything. I cannot carry everyone's burdens, I cannot fix every problem, I cannot help lighten everyone's workload. I have to learn to say no, or not right now. I carry these scenarios, these confrontations with me for days sometimes even weeks. It is not healthy. I suffer with my relationship with my husband because of it. I am always available via text or call to work. My husband finds it really disappointing that I can turn on or off and finds my personality hard to read. My new position hasn't really helped this problem of ours.
To him when I am "on" or acting a certain way for work he doesn't see why I switch out of it at home. When we were dating I was constantly "on", when we moved in we both learned the hard way that things are different, our habits, our personalities, our little quirks that made us fall in love with each other turned into pet peeves. This is hard to deal with as we grow and learn more about each other. We are not in university anymore, we are working adults now and how we cope with work is different. How I cope with work is shutting down when I get home. I need at least thirty minutes to an hour of just relaxing. Whether its reading a book, on my phone, or watching a show. I need "me" time to refuel myself. However, he loves to talk he is an extrovert, a social butterfly, he wants to fill me in on all the things he was working on or has been up to and wants to know all about my day the second I get into the car when he picks me up. I love that about him, but I cannot do that. I do not want to think about work, I do not want to know anything about anyone. It might be selfish of me I know that. We have come to happy medium most days where he fills me in on his day and I'll give a short recap on the way home. Then we will both relax with each other for an hour or so and go on to work on chores or he will go back to work for a few more hours since he has been working more in the evening now.
This post has turned more into a relationship advice column but I hope you're here for it.
The holidays are usually a stressful time in my industry but more so now. California's governor just announced that Los Angeles County is days away from a three week stay at home order. My stress is through the roof, at work, at home, through the world events, life is hard sometimes. Anyone else dealing with holiday blues feel free to let me know in the comment sections below how you are dealing with stress or if you are living on cloud nine right now. I am interested to know how you are all coping at home, at work, or with school.
I hope you all stay safe and are excited for the future.
Xoxo,
Ivon Auriemma
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