When someone you love hurts you, hurts you not in the physical sense but in a way that they knew would hurt you. A way that feels so personal, so invasive, so private. A part of you has been hurt that forces you to put yourself in a position where you no longer feel. The very last part of you that was left that was hidden away they somehow found and hurt. You can no longer go on with your days, there is no purpose. The relationship you had means nothing. You don't care what happens, not just in the relationship but with yourself. Everything becomes meaningless. You can't find yourself. You can't put your broken pieces back together. They no longer make sense, you've been exposed. Trying to put a puzzle back together is difficult when your pieces are broken, damaged, or even missing. Even though you may still be able to put them back together they will not look like they once did. That clear image of who you were, and where you were headed, is gone.
You have to reinvent yourself.
That is the hardest part of it all.
How can you? Where do you start? If you are anything like me, you've let yourself go. And that is okay but do not allow that to become who you are.
This post is meant to help anyone going through heartbreak. Whether it be from a friend, a boyfriend, or a loved one. Whether you are just missing them, going through a rough patch, or reinventing yourself.
Here a few steps to help you reinvent yourself.
Here a few steps to help you reinvent yourself.
Step 1:
You have to find the motivation in yourself, to look in the mirror and realize, I am worth more. I am loved. Put on a playlist, I've added one that you can play if you do not have your own. Just allow yourself to think through what you've experienced, what was said, what was hurt, and how you can fix it or get over it. Sometimes it is best to just write it all out, you don't necessarily have to do anything with what you've written. You can burn it. There is something therapeutic about writing every thought down. You should try it.
My Playlist: Reinvent Yourself
Step 2:
Run a bath, add your favorite bath bomb of choice or if you do not have one handy add some baking soda or bath salts/epsom salts. Add a few petals of roses or whatever you may have handy. Burn some candles, add a few drops of essential oils to your bath. I love bubble baths so I do those on occasion too.
Step 3:
Grab a book, or turn on the playlist or a podcast and enjoy your bath. I love putting on hair masks and facial masks as it makes it a more luxurious experience but you do not have to do that. Take your time in the bath, think about who you were and what you'd like to grow into.
Book Recommendations: Depending on where you are emotionally or in your situation is dependent upon the type of book you will reach for. A great light read is 13 Little Blue Envelopes, this book will distract you from where you are. It is a bit of a chick flick if you will and a very easy light read. If you are engaged or married and going through a rough patch I really recommend Passionate Housewives Desperate for God, this book has a plethora of great tips and ways to better yourself and grow. Lastly, a great book in general is Everything We Keep, it tells an interesting story with a lot of emotions and turns, a fun read.
Podcast Recommendations: One of my favorite podcasts is the Lively Show here's a couple good ones to start with, Mimi Ikonn Interview, Brene Brown Interview. Another great podcast is Katie Dalebout. One that is great for fitness or motivation is Chalene Johnson. Matthew Hussey is a great love coach I have linked the lively Show's interview with him, if you are interested in mending things or being able to attract the right person check him out.
Step 4:
Once you have had your bath and are feeling a bit relaxed and refreshed. Put on a kettle to make some tea or hot chocolate, or coffee if you prefer. Cut up a few strawberries or your fruit of choice. I know it will be tempting to grab a chocolate bar or a tub of ice cream but please don't. The hot beverage is more filling than any other type of snack (it's scientifically proven), the fruit will please your sweet tooth and you will feel healthier just by doing so.
Step 5:
Make a plan, make a list, do it. It may sound simple or stupid but it is not. The list or plan can have short term goals or long term goals. Do it! When you are reinventing yourself you want to become a better version of who you were. Whether you want to be healthier, smarter, prettier, a better dancer. Make goals that will help you reach that.
Final Step:
Realize that every version of who you were or who you will be is still you. At the core of every version of yourself there will be qualities that do not change. Find those good qualities and amplify them. Do not try to change who you are at the core. That will never work. Instead of reinventing yourself you will be destroying yourself. Learn to recognize when you are loved, when you are mistreated, when you are hurt. Learn to stand up for who you are at the core, not only from others but from the harshest critiquer you will ever have, yourself.
I know these steps do not seem revolutionary, they aren't meant to be. Reinventing yourself doesn't mean chopping off your hair or changing your appearance in some drastic way. Although, don't get me wrong sometimes that change can be refreshing and can allow you to see yourself through some new light. Reinventing yourself is creating a better version of who you are at the core. You may have to do this several times in your life, and that's okay.
Really, it is okay.
In order to become who you want to be, you have to reinvent.
We all do.
And that's okay.
Remember that next time you are hurt, the next time you don't have a motive, you couldn't care less about what happens to your future. You are loved, more than you can imagine. Allow yourself to love. This doesn't have to be in the traditional sense. You can show a stranger love by complimenting their outfit, or simply giving them a smile. Addressing your waiter by their name. It's sometimes the littlest things that will reminisce in our heads.
Good luck!
xo,
Ivon Auriemma
Final Step:
Realize that every version of who you were or who you will be is still you. At the core of every version of yourself there will be qualities that do not change. Find those good qualities and amplify them. Do not try to change who you are at the core. That will never work. Instead of reinventing yourself you will be destroying yourself. Learn to recognize when you are loved, when you are mistreated, when you are hurt. Learn to stand up for who you are at the core, not only from others but from the harshest critiquer you will ever have, yourself.
I know these steps do not seem revolutionary, they aren't meant to be. Reinventing yourself doesn't mean chopping off your hair or changing your appearance in some drastic way. Although, don't get me wrong sometimes that change can be refreshing and can allow you to see yourself through some new light. Reinventing yourself is creating a better version of who you are at the core. You may have to do this several times in your life, and that's okay.
Really, it is okay.
In order to become who you want to be, you have to reinvent.
We all do.
And that's okay.
Remember that next time you are hurt, the next time you don't have a motive, you couldn't care less about what happens to your future. You are loved, more than you can imagine. Allow yourself to love. This doesn't have to be in the traditional sense. You can show a stranger love by complimenting their outfit, or simply giving them a smile. Addressing your waiter by their name. It's sometimes the littlest things that will reminisce in our heads.
Good luck!
xo,
Ivon Auriemma
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